I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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