cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
