Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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