I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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