The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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