Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
