Porn is love you can see.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
