I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I could make wine with my vomit
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
