piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
