i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
