I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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