P.S. I can't hear my feet
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
