??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
not ubering you a puppy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
