We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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