Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
