My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
