Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
