I'm going to jail i love you
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
