My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
