nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
