Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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