I must be too annoying 4 u.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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