i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
