my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
