i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
