its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
