I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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