i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
