Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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