a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
