He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
