i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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