some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We got so high we made milksteak
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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