I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
