Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
