I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
