I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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