If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
