And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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