you traded sex for a burrito?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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