he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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