eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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