if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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