In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's never too late to be topless.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
