he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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