I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Randomize
