We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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