3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize