Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
