I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
