3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
