they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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