I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
