Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
