sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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