Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cockslap morals
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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