Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
