I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
