this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
