So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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