i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
