Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
