It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
