why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
