I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
