I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
