What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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