found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my being single is dangerous.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
