I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
